In My Opinion

A lot of random thoughts tend to go through my head throughout the day, most which get a couple minutes of recognition and then are forgotten in light of new/more interesting thoughts. Every once in a while though, a thought will pop into my head and stick around for a while and I'll get the urge to write it down. The only problem is that I have the meat of the idea in my head, the main points, but I can't figure out how to lead into it (hence this odd intro). Anyways, the random thought for today deals with people and our willingness (or unwillingness) to at least acknowledge other people thoughts on different subjects.

A bit of a pet peeve of mine is when I strike up a conversation with someone and they are absolutely unwilling to even just listen to an opposing view. This is more prevalent in serious conversations, but can really occur with any topic. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and are entitled to express it, without that variability the world would be a much more boring place. I personally love having a bit of a debate about different subjects every once in a while because it's stimulates the mind and forces you to consider other options you may not have thought of and in some cases can even change your opinion from what you originally thought. What gets on my nerves is when I'm talking with someone about a subject and they flat out refuse to listen or give any amount of thought to the notion that they may be wrong or that there is another way of thinking of things other than how they see it. I'm not saying that I'm always right or that people  should always change their thoughts after having a debate about something, but rather that we should be open minded enough to hear all sides of the story and even if you don't agree with the other persons point of view, at least be able to say well I see why you're saying that and I respect your opinion. We tend to see this type of debate more so in arguments about religion vs atheism, pro-life vs pro-choice, or politics. Many times we see the extremist religious person condemning all non-believers and preaching about the need for believers to convert  non-believers and "save" them while the extremist atheists laughing in their faces and begin to spout off a million reasons why God does not exist, but this is an argument that's going no where because both parties are going into the argument with their mind set that they are right above and beyond all else and nothing anyone says will change their mind.* It is completely possible for two people with opposing views to have a civilized debate it just requires an open mind and a willingness to take into account what the other person is saying before jumping in with our own arguments. It also means knowing when to quit and move on to something else. In any good debate there is always a chance that someone could change their mind due to what the other person has said but more often than not two people with opposing views will maintain those views and at a certain point the debate will end because all the points have been laid out, one person changes their mind, or they both get bored of the subject and move on.
*Note that I'm not saying all religious and atheist people are like this, just the people on the extreme ends of the spectrum.

This happens with any subject anywhere around the world, and I'm not saying I'm perfect by any means, but if more people were willing to at least take into consideration other people's reasoning and be willing to accept the fact that there is not a definitive right and wrong answer to everything then maybe there would be a little more tolerance in the world.

Here We Go Again...

I'm feeling a bit conflicted right now. I finished reading Perks of Being a Wildflower just a little bit ago and I feel like I'm in a little funk, like something isn't right. Someone I follow on tumblr posted the following quote "Don’t think. Don’t fucking think. Because when you think you realize how fucked up everything is. You realize you don’t know how you got where you are, you don’t know where you’re going and you don’t know what to do anymore." Obviously it isn't really true, thinking can be amazing and a liberating experience, but there's a reason I haven't read certain books more than once. Books like The Catcher in the Rye, and up until now, Perks of Being a Wildflower. I start to really identify and empathize with them, and sometimes even think like them. And it's that identification and immersion into the character that makes me think that quotes like the one above may be right. It's not a constant thing, 95% of the time I'm in a great mood and have a generally positive outlook on life. But every once in a while I get to thinking and questioning. Why am I really here? Why do I feel bad when I have nothing to feel bad about? Do people really appreciate or like me as much as they say?...I never had too many truly good friends when I was young. Sure I knew a lot of people in school but I can only think of 3 people who I ever hung out with outside of class. It didn't really bother me then though, I had other things to worry about. But things got worse in 8th grade. Again I had friends in school, but no one I would hang out with afterwards. In fact I remember one occasion where a group of kids I talked too were planning on going to the movies and I found out I was on the "do not invite" list. Of course they gave some BS excuse and I played like I didn't care, but the truth is I did. And I do. Another time I remember being at Disney World for a trip for the dance and theater kids and I was paired w/2 other girls who didn't have roommates and they straight up told me, "it's not that we don't like you, it's just you're kinda weird and can be annoying" and again I played it off like it didn't bother me but that night I had to try really hard not to cry myself to sleep. In HS it was the same story for the first year and a half or so. Then I met the people who I still call my best friends. Then things became different, and I actually had plans to hang out with people after school, and my mom would call and see what I was up to and I could say I was with my friends. I truly am blessed that I have these people in my life, and I hope they never forget that. All that being said, it's still hard for me to not wonder if sometimes people just want me to leave them alone. I talk a lot and ask questions and try to interact with people often because that way I get instant gratification that they want to talk to me not that they feel like they have to. Yea I'm that person that tends to seek people's approval, but not for attention, just so I know I'm actually wanted. In retrospect, this whole thing is silly and I know good and well that I have amazing friends and family who love and support me in everything I do. It's just that every once in a while, that other 5% of the time, I just get in this rut and I can't figure out the fastest way out. Usually I just think about it in my head and try to reason with myself because I really don't like bringing attention to myself, not for sad reasons at least and I'm not a big fan of talking about my feelings. I'd much rather help someone with theirs. Within a few days (or rather nights) of thinking it's usually gone. I guess I hoped that by writing it out that it might help it go by quicker. The conflicting part for me is that when I'm not thinking about it (it usually comes in waves) I'm perfectly happy. I feel great, but then it will just hit me like a brick wall and I have this split in my brain where one side is fine and the other is...I guess depressed would be the word although I don't really like the connotations that go along with that word. And I'm pretty sure this is making me sound crazy and I really want to delete this but that the same time, I want someone else to know. 

My 2 cents

It's been almost a year since I last blogged which, if you know me, isn't too much of a shocker because I'm not a huge blog person. However, in light of the recent debate of allowing gay marriage in New York and the equal rights debate across the country, I've decided to come out of blogging hibernation to give my 2 cents (hence the title) on the subject.

First I'd like to start off by saying this is not a debate on whether or not homosexuality is wrong or right. That is another topic entirely, one I feel has too much emphasis put on it. This also has nothing to do with being a Democrat or Republican, again another topic entirely. This is about basic human rights being denied to millions of Americans because of who they love. Not war, or money, or politics, but love.

It is absolutely ridiculous that a man and woman can go to a court house and a few hours later be legally married in every state. Yet two men or women who love each other dearly, more than anyone else in the world, can't get married because some people find it offensive and wrong. Every person deserves the opportunity to be able to marry the one they love, and to be able to receive all the benefits of a married couple, but for some reason some people think that right is reserved for those in a heterosexual relationship as if homosexual men and women aren't on the same same level as their straight counter parts. But being straight or gay does not change the fact that we are human and we as humans value loving relationships whether it be with a man or woman and should be able to celebrate that love to the fullest extent.

Arguments against gay marriage often cite that marriage is a sacred thing and that homosexuality goes against The Bible and would weaken the concept of marriage in the eyes of the people if gay marriage was allowed.
First: Believe it or not, not everyone reads/follows the bible. (Although for the record I am Christian) Why should we force people who may not follow the bible to follow it's supposed rules? That's like telling someone who's Jewish that they have to celebrate Christmas because "it's in The Bible". And what about the many gay people who are religious? They have found a balance between their sexual identity and their faith, why can't we?

Second: Ever heard of separation of church and state?  "...I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should 'make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,' thus building a wall of separation between Church & State." This basically says the government can't interfere with the people's right to practice a religion and that no law can be created in favor of any particular religion. Banning gay marriage because someone's religious belief directly contradicts that last statement!

And third: While it is true that many marriages take place in the church and are considered a sacred act, not all end up that way. I can search online right now and within 15 min become able to perform legally binding marriages. Where's the sacredness in that?? And how holy is it when people run to the courthouse or Vegas to get married by an overweight and balding Elvis look-a-like?

As far as weakening the concept of marriage, please tell me how allowing two people who happen to be the same sex but love each other and would do anything for each other jeopardizes the concept of marriage? I would much rather see a strong, loving gay relationship than weak haphazard relationships between straight couples. Hell if people were allowed to love and be with who they choose then the concept of marriage might actually be stronger! Think about all the gay men and women who married into a straight relationship but ended up getting divorced because they were so unhappy. I'm not saying the divorce rate would go down, but I am saying that it couldn't hurt.

I think what gets me the most about the opposition to gay marriage is the fact that so many people are afraid of how it would impact their lives. The thing is...IT WOULDN'T. If Jim and Kate from Maryland decide to get hitched, it doesn't affect every person in the nation. So why would it be any different if Jim wanted to marry John and Kate wanted to marry Lucy?? The people that are affected when two people get married, are those two people. Sure family and friends are involved, but only if the couple wants them to be. The only difference to the public  between a couple and a married couple is a ring, but to the two individuals in the relationship that ring means everything. 

The bottom line is simple, there should be no debate. This is a simple matter of letting two people who love each other, no matter the sex, marry should they choose to do so.

Revelations

School has started and slowly but surely a routine will develop and habits will form, but I can already tell that I've changed from last year, last month, and even last week. The more time goes on the more I find out things about myself that I'm sure will lead me to discover just what I'm supposed to do while here on this earth. It's an odd feeling when you realize that you're changing, not just that you have changed in the past, but that you're changing as you speak and think. It's a feeling of revelation and confusion all at the same time. As a Christian, and a person in general, I believe everything has a purpose and reason for being, and I feel that at some point in our lives we figure out what that purpose is. The next step after making the realization is to act upon it, which I think, not everyone does. For the past few years, I've been trying to consciously figure out what my purpose is, actively thinking about how I am destined to make my mark on this world. However, I've come to the conclusion that finding your purpose is something that comes naturally and subconsciously and trying to figure it out before you're ready to is a fruitless labor. With all this in mind, I've decided to adopt a "go with the flow" ideology and just see where life takes me. I've had the "live in the moment" mentality for a little while now, but up until very recently I've always still had this feeling of being held back by something, and I think that something was me trying to figure things out too early and expecting life to go a certain way. Well as of right now, 1:13 am, I am going to start thinking and subsequently living the "go with the flow" lifestyle. Not in the sense of living day by day with no planing or thoughts of the future, but rather in a sense of not stressing over the little stuff, trying to picture each day in the grand scheme of things, and not being afraid of the spontaneous. This way, I feel that I will be able to notice the little things that would otherwise be overlooked due to focusing on too many other thoughts. For example, I took a little quiz called What Is Your Happy Word?, mine was laughter and said this:
           You are happy because you are able to laugh at life. You believe that everything has a lighter side.
           You try to take a broad perspective and keep everything in context. You can always make lemons out of lemonade.
            You never take yourself too seriously, and you are able to laugh at any jokes at your expense.
            You let yourself make mistakes, and because of that, you find it quite easy to be cheerful.
Reading this I realized it's true, I love laughing and being happy and being around people and doing things that make me happy. Who doesn't right? Nothing is better than feeling truly happy or genuinely laughing so hard that your stomach aches and you can hardly breathe. Sure we don't always feel that way, in fact it's almost rare, but the moments I remember best and look back on the most are the ones where I was laughing and having a good time. This all leads back to the point I said earlier about slowly and subconsciously finding out our purpose. I think I've figured out a key component of mine; I need to be happy. Whatever it is I end up doing, wherever I end up going I need to be happy and enjoy it. Not just happy every once in a while, but being able to go through the good, bad, and the ugly and at the end of the day still be able to say this is what I'm meant to do and that I am sincerely happy in the end. How long will it take before I fully understand my purpose? I have no idea, but I'm learning to be o.k with that.

Where are you going?

It has been ages since I wrote my last blog, but I never really know what to write about, and the people who read this usually know anything I have to say anyways. But I figured I would write a new blog anyways because it's good just to get your random thoughts out there. I've been thinking about what I want to do with my life, and I'm not the type of person to think into the future, but it's getting to that point in time where I'm gonna start looking for the path that will eventually lead me to where ever I'm supposed to be going. I still want to do music marketing, or rather, I'd like to major in that, but I'm not sure if that's what I really want/am supposed to do. I love love love music, it's an enormous part of my life, and as of now I feel that whatever I end up doing, music will impact it. I would love to be a talent scout of sorts; look for, and bring to light singers and bands. I also love working with kids and helping others, and I want to volunteer at a daycare, or with veterans (past and recent). I don't know  what all that will lead to, but I'm just thinking right now. I think everyone has a purpose in life, but we get to choose how we find our purpose and the path we take to get there. At this point I'm trying to figure out not where I'm going, but how I'm going to get there. Life is a big journey that's eventually going to end and I think people focus too much on the end and not enough on everything we do to get to the end. I'm not saying live only in the moment, but I am saying that people should live in the present while remaining conscious of the possible future.

Live, Laugh, and Love

The Reason

So as ya'll know, I got a tattoo over spring break of a lion's paw with the leo symbol in the middle. I know I've said I got it because I'm a leo and I'm kind of in to the whole astrology and horoscope thing but it really isn't just that. It has more to do with the symbolism and traits associated with the leo symbol that I am, in most cases, proud to have. I wanted to be able to give a more direct answer for when people asked why I got what I did so I googled characteristics of leos

Traits associated with leos (The Good):

Spontaneously creative

Extrovert

Generous

Warmhearted

Enthusiastic

Broad-minded

Faithful

Loving

Ambitious

Strong Willed

Independent

Born Leader

Loyal

Protective

Passionate

Wise

(The Bad, or not so good):

Arrogance

Egotistical

Bad Temper

Self-Centered

Lust for power

"Unlimited Sexual Lust" (quoted from a website...didn't know that)

Pompous 

Patronizing

Bossy

Moody 

Vain

Assertive

Leos are also said to be good with children, dislike doing things safely, living ordinary boring lives, and small minded and mean spirited people. (All of which I think are true)

I know I don't posses all these traits, but there are quite a few (both good and bad) that I agree with or have been told I am. I hope that the good outweighs the bad, but at the same time I know you can't have one without the other. So the real reason I got the tattoo that I did, was because it was much easier to get the symbol than it would have been to have all the traits listed down my back. I'm proud to be associated with the (good) traits of a leo and hope that I embody them well.

My Philosophy on Life

So today while eating dinner with Monica and Amy, we were talking about random ass things (as per usual) and the topic of my fall came up and how I had gotten right back on my scooter (in my room and yet they still freaked out about it) just a day or two after I came back to UTSA. Amy asked if I was scared to get back on, and I said no. She seemed kind of surprised by this. So I asked her if she would have been scared and her and Monica both nodded and well yea, you should have waited at least a few weeks or a month or so before getting back on. That just seemed ridiculous to me and I told them that. Monica said you were only in the hospital for two days (meant sarcastically) and I said yea...and? It's not like I'm gonna not ever ride my scooter, sure I'll be nervous to go down the hill and I'll be a bit more cautious but that's it. For some reason they thought that was odd. Again I would like to point out that I had only ridden it in my room and that was after getting a lecture from Amy about being safe and not getting on and blah blah blah.

Tonight Amy is trying (keyword trying) to study for a politics test. A test that if she fails she will end up failing the class for the time being. Hearing her struggle and getting frustrated at Nick, who's trying to help, reminded me of another night where she confided in me that she sometimes thought of dropping out because she thought college was supposed to be easy and that she wasn't smart enough but more on this further down.

All of this has got me thinking about how I perceive life and events that go on around me. With the scooter conversation for example, I see the situation as this; yes I fell, yes it was bad, yes for the first week or so I needed to take it easy and I did. But my injury wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been and all things considered, I came away relatively unscathed. Why should I be scared to ride my scooter again? I realized my mistakes from last time (trying to go as fast as possible on a scooter with a barely there break= not a good idea) and now I can get back on and not make the same mistake twice. If I were to let minor things like this greatly affect me, I would be a hypochondriac living in a bubble inside a padded room. I believe the reason people make mistakes is to learn from them and use them later in life. (I also believe God gave me a strong head because he knew I would knock it a lot, which has certainly been true lol) I'm not saying that I'm fearless or reckless, but I do tend to act and speak before thinking which can sometimes get me in trouble. The only way to bounce back is to do just that and take what has happened and use it to your advantage whether good or bad. I say I don't regret anything, and it's still true. At the same time I don't focus too much on the past or future, I think that we're alive in the present and therefore we should pay attention to what's happening now. We should use the past as a reference guide, not dwell on how things could or should have been, and the future should be open and without limitations. I think people who try to predict the future are running in a never ending race. No one knows for sure what is in store for us in the future. Somewhere this second something could happen that would completely alter any thoughts or ideas we had about what is to come.

After Amy told me about struggling with college and the realization that it wasn't going to be easy, the only thing I could think of was Duh! Anyone who goes into college expecting it to be easy and not take much effort needs a reality check. Even the smartest person should expect to be challenged and to do work beyond what they are used to. This way if the work load is difficult, it won't come as a shock, and rather than shutting down and giving up, that student can take a deep breath and try their best. And if the work is easy, then the student will be even more relieved. It is naive to think that you won't be challenged in college, hell that is the point of college, to achieve a degree or degrees through hard work in challenging classes. Sure it can be a bit of a shock to realize that what got you through HS can't get you through college, but after that it's time to buck up and figure out what you need to do in order to achieve whatever goals you have set for yourself. I'm all for having fun and extracurricular activities and even a bit of slacking off in some situations as I'm sure ya'll know, but at the same time more focus should be placed on academics until graduation.

I know there is much more I could add to this, and I'm sure there will be a part 2 sometime in the near future, but for now I can't seem to come up with anything more. Please leave comments with your opinion :)