Revelations

School has started and slowly but surely a routine will develop and habits will form, but I can already tell that I've changed from last year, last month, and even last week. The more time goes on the more I find out things about myself that I'm sure will lead me to discover just what I'm supposed to do while here on this earth. It's an odd feeling when you realize that you're changing, not just that you have changed in the past, but that you're changing as you speak and think. It's a feeling of revelation and confusion all at the same time. As a Christian, and a person in general, I believe everything has a purpose and reason for being, and I feel that at some point in our lives we figure out what that purpose is. The next step after making the realization is to act upon it, which I think, not everyone does. For the past few years, I've been trying to consciously figure out what my purpose is, actively thinking about how I am destined to make my mark on this world. However, I've come to the conclusion that finding your purpose is something that comes naturally and subconsciously and trying to figure it out before you're ready to is a fruitless labor. With all this in mind, I've decided to adopt a "go with the flow" ideology and just see where life takes me. I've had the "live in the moment" mentality for a little while now, but up until very recently I've always still had this feeling of being held back by something, and I think that something was me trying to figure things out too early and expecting life to go a certain way. Well as of right now, 1:13 am, I am going to start thinking and subsequently living the "go with the flow" lifestyle. Not in the sense of living day by day with no planing or thoughts of the future, but rather in a sense of not stressing over the little stuff, trying to picture each day in the grand scheme of things, and not being afraid of the spontaneous. This way, I feel that I will be able to notice the little things that would otherwise be overlooked due to focusing on too many other thoughts. For example, I took a little quiz called What Is Your Happy Word?, mine was laughter and said this:
           You are happy because you are able to laugh at life. You believe that everything has a lighter side.
           You try to take a broad perspective and keep everything in context. You can always make lemons out of lemonade.
            You never take yourself too seriously, and you are able to laugh at any jokes at your expense.
            You let yourself make mistakes, and because of that, you find it quite easy to be cheerful.
Reading this I realized it's true, I love laughing and being happy and being around people and doing things that make me happy. Who doesn't right? Nothing is better than feeling truly happy or genuinely laughing so hard that your stomach aches and you can hardly breathe. Sure we don't always feel that way, in fact it's almost rare, but the moments I remember best and look back on the most are the ones where I was laughing and having a good time. This all leads back to the point I said earlier about slowly and subconsciously finding out our purpose. I think I've figured out a key component of mine; I need to be happy. Whatever it is I end up doing, wherever I end up going I need to be happy and enjoy it. Not just happy every once in a while, but being able to go through the good, bad, and the ugly and at the end of the day still be able to say this is what I'm meant to do and that I am sincerely happy in the end. How long will it take before I fully understand my purpose? I have no idea, but I'm learning to be o.k with that.

Where are you going?

It has been ages since I wrote my last blog, but I never really know what to write about, and the people who read this usually know anything I have to say anyways. But I figured I would write a new blog anyways because it's good just to get your random thoughts out there. I've been thinking about what I want to do with my life, and I'm not the type of person to think into the future, but it's getting to that point in time where I'm gonna start looking for the path that will eventually lead me to where ever I'm supposed to be going. I still want to do music marketing, or rather, I'd like to major in that, but I'm not sure if that's what I really want/am supposed to do. I love love love music, it's an enormous part of my life, and as of now I feel that whatever I end up doing, music will impact it. I would love to be a talent scout of sorts; look for, and bring to light singers and bands. I also love working with kids and helping others, and I want to volunteer at a daycare, or with veterans (past and recent). I don't know  what all that will lead to, but I'm just thinking right now. I think everyone has a purpose in life, but we get to choose how we find our purpose and the path we take to get there. At this point I'm trying to figure out not where I'm going, but how I'm going to get there. Life is a big journey that's eventually going to end and I think people focus too much on the end and not enough on everything we do to get to the end. I'm not saying live only in the moment, but I am saying that people should live in the present while remaining conscious of the possible future.

Live, Laugh, and Love

The Reason

So as ya'll know, I got a tattoo over spring break of a lion's paw with the leo symbol in the middle. I know I've said I got it because I'm a leo and I'm kind of in to the whole astrology and horoscope thing but it really isn't just that. It has more to do with the symbolism and traits associated with the leo symbol that I am, in most cases, proud to have. I wanted to be able to give a more direct answer for when people asked why I got what I did so I googled characteristics of leos

Traits associated with leos (The Good):

Spontaneously creative

Extrovert

Generous

Warmhearted

Enthusiastic

Broad-minded

Faithful

Loving

Ambitious

Strong Willed

Independent

Born Leader

Loyal

Protective

Passionate

Wise

(The Bad, or not so good):

Arrogance

Egotistical

Bad Temper

Self-Centered

Lust for power

"Unlimited Sexual Lust" (quoted from a website...didn't know that)

Pompous 

Patronizing

Bossy

Moody 

Vain

Assertive

Leos are also said to be good with children, dislike doing things safely, living ordinary boring lives, and small minded and mean spirited people. (All of which I think are true)

I know I don't posses all these traits, but there are quite a few (both good and bad) that I agree with or have been told I am. I hope that the good outweighs the bad, but at the same time I know you can't have one without the other. So the real reason I got the tattoo that I did, was because it was much easier to get the symbol than it would have been to have all the traits listed down my back. I'm proud to be associated with the (good) traits of a leo and hope that I embody them well.

My Philosophy on Life

So today while eating dinner with Monica and Amy, we were talking about random ass things (as per usual) and the topic of my fall came up and how I had gotten right back on my scooter (in my room and yet they still freaked out about it) just a day or two after I came back to UTSA. Amy asked if I was scared to get back on, and I said no. She seemed kind of surprised by this. So I asked her if she would have been scared and her and Monica both nodded and well yea, you should have waited at least a few weeks or a month or so before getting back on. That just seemed ridiculous to me and I told them that. Monica said you were only in the hospital for two days (meant sarcastically) and I said yea...and? It's not like I'm gonna not ever ride my scooter, sure I'll be nervous to go down the hill and I'll be a bit more cautious but that's it. For some reason they thought that was odd. Again I would like to point out that I had only ridden it in my room and that was after getting a lecture from Amy about being safe and not getting on and blah blah blah.

Tonight Amy is trying (keyword trying) to study for a politics test. A test that if she fails she will end up failing the class for the time being. Hearing her struggle and getting frustrated at Nick, who's trying to help, reminded me of another night where she confided in me that she sometimes thought of dropping out because she thought college was supposed to be easy and that she wasn't smart enough but more on this further down.

All of this has got me thinking about how I perceive life and events that go on around me. With the scooter conversation for example, I see the situation as this; yes I fell, yes it was bad, yes for the first week or so I needed to take it easy and I did. But my injury wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been and all things considered, I came away relatively unscathed. Why should I be scared to ride my scooter again? I realized my mistakes from last time (trying to go as fast as possible on a scooter with a barely there break= not a good idea) and now I can get back on and not make the same mistake twice. If I were to let minor things like this greatly affect me, I would be a hypochondriac living in a bubble inside a padded room. I believe the reason people make mistakes is to learn from them and use them later in life. (I also believe God gave me a strong head because he knew I would knock it a lot, which has certainly been true lol) I'm not saying that I'm fearless or reckless, but I do tend to act and speak before thinking which can sometimes get me in trouble. The only way to bounce back is to do just that and take what has happened and use it to your advantage whether good or bad. I say I don't regret anything, and it's still true. At the same time I don't focus too much on the past or future, I think that we're alive in the present and therefore we should pay attention to what's happening now. We should use the past as a reference guide, not dwell on how things could or should have been, and the future should be open and without limitations. I think people who try to predict the future are running in a never ending race. No one knows for sure what is in store for us in the future. Somewhere this second something could happen that would completely alter any thoughts or ideas we had about what is to come.

After Amy told me about struggling with college and the realization that it wasn't going to be easy, the only thing I could think of was Duh! Anyone who goes into college expecting it to be easy and not take much effort needs a reality check. Even the smartest person should expect to be challenged and to do work beyond what they are used to. This way if the work load is difficult, it won't come as a shock, and rather than shutting down and giving up, that student can take a deep breath and try their best. And if the work is easy, then the student will be even more relieved. It is naive to think that you won't be challenged in college, hell that is the point of college, to achieve a degree or degrees through hard work in challenging classes. Sure it can be a bit of a shock to realize that what got you through HS can't get you through college, but after that it's time to buck up and figure out what you need to do in order to achieve whatever goals you have set for yourself. I'm all for having fun and extracurricular activities and even a bit of slacking off in some situations as I'm sure ya'll know, but at the same time more focus should be placed on academics until graduation.

I know there is much more I could add to this, and I'm sure there will be a part 2 sometime in the near future, but for now I can't seem to come up with anything more. Please leave comments with your opinion :)