Revelations

School has started and slowly but surely a routine will develop and habits will form, but I can already tell that I've changed from last year, last month, and even last week. The more time goes on the more I find out things about myself that I'm sure will lead me to discover just what I'm supposed to do while here on this earth. It's an odd feeling when you realize that you're changing, not just that you have changed in the past, but that you're changing as you speak and think. It's a feeling of revelation and confusion all at the same time. As a Christian, and a person in general, I believe everything has a purpose and reason for being, and I feel that at some point in our lives we figure out what that purpose is. The next step after making the realization is to act upon it, which I think, not everyone does. For the past few years, I've been trying to consciously figure out what my purpose is, actively thinking about how I am destined to make my mark on this world. However, I've come to the conclusion that finding your purpose is something that comes naturally and subconsciously and trying to figure it out before you're ready to is a fruitless labor. With all this in mind, I've decided to adopt a "go with the flow" ideology and just see where life takes me. I've had the "live in the moment" mentality for a little while now, but up until very recently I've always still had this feeling of being held back by something, and I think that something was me trying to figure things out too early and expecting life to go a certain way. Well as of right now, 1:13 am, I am going to start thinking and subsequently living the "go with the flow" lifestyle. Not in the sense of living day by day with no planing or thoughts of the future, but rather in a sense of not stressing over the little stuff, trying to picture each day in the grand scheme of things, and not being afraid of the spontaneous. This way, I feel that I will be able to notice the little things that would otherwise be overlooked due to focusing on too many other thoughts. For example, I took a little quiz called What Is Your Happy Word?, mine was laughter and said this:
           You are happy because you are able to laugh at life. You believe that everything has a lighter side.
           You try to take a broad perspective and keep everything in context. You can always make lemons out of lemonade.
            You never take yourself too seriously, and you are able to laugh at any jokes at your expense.
            You let yourself make mistakes, and because of that, you find it quite easy to be cheerful.
Reading this I realized it's true, I love laughing and being happy and being around people and doing things that make me happy. Who doesn't right? Nothing is better than feeling truly happy or genuinely laughing so hard that your stomach aches and you can hardly breathe. Sure we don't always feel that way, in fact it's almost rare, but the moments I remember best and look back on the most are the ones where I was laughing and having a good time. This all leads back to the point I said earlier about slowly and subconsciously finding out our purpose. I think I've figured out a key component of mine; I need to be happy. Whatever it is I end up doing, wherever I end up going I need to be happy and enjoy it. Not just happy every once in a while, but being able to go through the good, bad, and the ugly and at the end of the day still be able to say this is what I'm meant to do and that I am sincerely happy in the end. How long will it take before I fully understand my purpose? I have no idea, but I'm learning to be o.k with that.